Where the HELL have you been?!?

Asks my mom. Sick and Tired I reply. Very, VERY sick and extremely tired. Since the tired came first and probably contributed to the sick I'll start there.

Good old Mega corp has been running me ragged since my birthday. First we had our annual death by PowerPoint slide festival. It's kind of like a corporate Olympics. We get people together from our offices all over the globe and compete in various events including Acronym slinging, grandiose plan construction, and the big kahuna - the PowerPoint endurance contest. If I were more clever I could go on for days on this annual data fest that mega corp throws but I think even Scott Adams would have trouble doing it justice. It does serve a purpose, really. I mean we need some way to know what is going on all over and make sure we are working together rather than pulling in a dozen different directions but dear god there has to be a more humane way to go about it.

I moved directly from that PowerPoint hell into a slightly different version - the National Sales meeting. There I got to be one of the boring presenters as well as one of the bored presentees. Although my presentations were not dull. I am not bragging, nor claiming any exceptional powers of presentation. I just was dealing with topics that sales types tend to find contentious and thus the audience exchange at my sessions got a bit lively. I was already exhausted from the previous week and for me making presentations tends to be very draining. I can't really explain why - I just seem to pour a lot of energy into presentations - it is one reason I did not stay in teaching. I found it very interesting but too draining. For me the sales meeting was one long performance - not just when I was presenting but all the small talk sessions, company dinners, skip level lunches, etc and so another week of 14 to 16 hour days of being "on" was brutal.

Which is why it is not surprising we moved into the "sick" portion of sick and tired. I succumbed to some kind of viral thing (I love how specific and technical doctors get when they have no idea what the hell is wrong with you) that landed me in the emergency room. They treated me with an IV for dehydration, fenagren for the vomiting, and a really cool narcotic for the excruciating headache. I'm feeling much better now. (not as good as i was feeling on the juice but hey I can form coherent sentences now so I suppose I'll have to adjust to living clean). Edward has been very worried and very sweet. I am so lucky.

Unfortunately, the corporate endurance test is not over yet since I have a whirlwind trip to Japan week after next complete with a meeting with the man most people in my company consider only one step below God himself. And after that I have a week at our corporate training facility. This is where Mega corp sends us all to make sure we are properly indoctrinated. We affectionately refer to it as Mega corp "charm school" or, alternately, as going to drink the Kool Aid.

I'll try to keep in touch better - I promise I really will. I just can't guarantee I'm going to be in any condition to.

On Turning 40

It stinks. Seriously - I woke up this morning for the second time (the first time was for a sweet good morning kiss from Edward) to a million and one aches and pains. Guess that means I am officially old.

Here's a pertinent quote for you since I feel grumpy and not up to writing anything original-

There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.
-- George Santayana, Soliloquies in England, 1922, "War Shrines"

I'll try and get on with that today but really - I'd rather just go back to bed. !@#$ 7AM meetings.

Lousy Big Mouth

Ooooops. Was talking to Mom today and forgot she did not know that Phil is out of work. So I inadvertently spilled the beans. Phil is gonna kill me. I know this for a fact because he told me so when I called to warn him I had screwed the pooch.

Mom was predictably pissed she didn't know and ready to leap in and fuss over and interfere - which is why she didn't know int he first place. I jumped in with some bull shit babble about how he didn't want to worry her - half truth and it was only this week - huge lie. She insisted I absolutely not tell him that she knew. I of course immediately called Phil to tell him. My family is SO complicated.

My only salvation is that Phil has had a couple of interviews recently and is expecting an offer next week. So she won't have long to drive him crazy over it all.

In my defense - it has been at least 2 months since he told me - how was I supposed to know she had not found out by now? They live like 5 minutes from one another and she is the world's MOST interferingest Mom - so how in the hell has he kept it on the DL so long?!? Man, I feel like a total shit. I was just worried about how he was doing with it all. Phil is like my Dad and I - needs to be busy and productive. And now I went and made it more difficult. Shoot me now please!

We'll see

Edward says he will talk to his family and straighten it out. We've tried that before and as I recall all it accomplishes is more fussing and carrying on about how I am trying to separate everyone blah, blah, blah.

My bottom line is I am going to start living my life like an independent adult. I will consult my husband and Eden's mother on decisions I make for her - because they have a right to be involved - more so than I do to be precise. Everyone else can go jump in a lake. I am not tiptoeing around people nor am I rearranging my schedule or life to suit them. So one way or another its going to get better for me.

Unfortunately, I think that means it is going to get worse for Edward for awhile until they adjust because I don't think he has any idea just how much I have been putting up with or how much griping they are going to do once I stop. I don't like that - I don't want to put him in the middle and I think the reason I have put up with so much is to try not to but you know what - for there to be a middle there has to be two sides - which means I am not putting him there BY MYSELF. His family will have to start owning their part of this and he'll have to deal with it.

If I have to bust out the bible on them for them to understand then I'll just remind them of Ephesians 5:31. Because as much as I love my husband - I am still seriously done with his family's crap. They will end up seeing the evil twin here eventually otherwise.

Had Enough

You know sometimes how you just get tired of ramming your head into the same old wall. Yeah - well I'm there today. I'm sick and tired of being the bad guy with Edward's family. If I put Eden to bed on time or have her take a nap - I'm then I'm doing it to keep them from spending time with her. If I keep her with me because that is what she says she wants to do - I am keeping her from them. If I make her go over there regardless of what she wants I am fobbing her off on them. I'm just not doing it any more. I'm done. They can pick her up. they can take her home and they can have the responsibility to care for her while she is here. They can let me know when its convenient for me to stop over and visit. I'm just not fighting over it all any more.